Steve 'Flash' Juon“I’m a bad-ass chick, can you please stick it to me?
I want you to do me, but all you do is fool me
You say you gonna throw me to the wall – and that you’ll beat me
Then I rush right over to ya, all you wanna do is feed me
Aww, you’re such a sweet boy – you baked me a cake
But I wanna be tickled, and tied to the stake
Don’t want no Betty Crocker, what I want instead
String me on a vine and shoot an apple off my head
Don’t want no mac ‘n cheese, can you just smack me please?”
Described in her one sheet as both “a visionary gearhead vixen” and “a cross between Princess Superstar and Sarah Silverman,” DATGirl is doing her best to live up to all of the above on “Smack and Please.” “Baby if you love me, shove me/honey if you want me, taunt me/sweetie if you need me, beat me.” One could say it’s DATGirl’s self-produced ode to sadomasochism. It certainly seems like a song designed to titillate male listeners, but there are two inherent problems. The first is that not all of them are going to be into pain as pleasure, and the second is that those who really ARE would probably dish out more than the relatively PG fantasy that DATGirl dishes out. It might be erotica but it’s far from hardcore whips, chains & bondage.
Is that all DATGirl is about though? Her heritage is accurately and somewhat confusingly described as Iraqi-American-Jewish-Buddhist, and while she may or may not be bisexual her New York to San Francisco travels definitely make her bicoastal. She’s had a lot of different gigs besides a musical career, as she’s apparently “an experienced fire eater” and an expert at “mask performance and Balinese dance.” I have to just be blunt with the readers at this point – DATGirl has been so many things it doesn’t seem like she can settle on being any ONE thing. That’s far from her biggest problem though. Being eclectic could win her fans, but bad parodies of Sir Mix-A-Lot definitely will not.
“I like big subs and I can not lie
You other players can’t deny
When my bass kicks in, and you’re sittin on my Benz
Like titties in your face you get dubbed
See them sluts
With their skirts blown off around their ears what?
From the power of the watts
Make sure those subs don’t stop – baby got bass”
It may be one of the most inaccurately titled songs I’ve heard in a while, because even compared to the Mix-A-Lot original, the boom of “Baby Got Bass” is severely lacking. In fact any random Miami bass rap album from the 1990’s could own this song with any single track, and lyrically Mix has done a better parody of his own shit for Robot Chicken by rapping about the Knights of the Round Table.
After listening to the ten tracks of DATGirl’s “Slutstep,” I must regretfully come to the following conclusions. DATGirl thinks she’s funny, and she’s not. DATGirl thinks she’s sexually titillating, and she’s not. DATGirl thinks she’s a good producer, and she’s not. There’s one thing I think her album gets right though – the song title “I Text Myself.” Listening to this CD it’s hard to imagine anybody else is texting DATGirl any time soon. If you’re going to try to be a cross between Princess Superstar and Sarah Silverman, you might try being as good at rapping as the former or as drop dead funny as the latter – this chick is nowhere close to either.