at Wendys :: We Beefin?

This is real. I shouldn’t need a disclaimer in the first sentence of a review but “We Beefin?” is so absurd that it’s actually necessary. When Doja Cat made a silly rap song on purpose in order to go viral, it never occurred to me she might have been inspired by a fast food chain. Odds are she came up with “Mooo!” on her own, but for what it’s worth Wendy’s released “We Beefin?” in March 2018 and Doja’s hit didn’t come out until five months later. In retrospect it’s almost a shame “at Wendys” didn’t call her out for saying she was “grade a Beef” and referencing McDonald’s in the song.

“Redhead with some pigtails/better check the score, these meals sell/Now that’s better, I’m so clever/my bars +chili+ better grab a sweater.” The unknown and unnamed rapper who declares herself “fast food’s first lady” spends her time on this EP bragging about how great Wendy’s is and dissing the competition because their “ice cream machine always broke” and “their drive through always slow.” It’s ironic to me given that the last three times I’ve gone to a Wendy’s location there’s been at least one of those two things wrong. In fact one had a sign saying their drive through was broken and you’d have to pull up to the window to place your order. Really Wendy’s? REALLY?

When “Wendy” isn’t throwing shade at her rivals, she’s shamelessly promoting their meal deals on songs like “4 for $4,” where she repeatedly raps “four for four forget the rest/four for four you gettin blessed.” It might actually be the best track of the album though just for the beat alone. Sadly though there are no production credits, nor has the rapper pretending to be Wendy Williams (weird that she’s not Wendy Thomas) ever been revealed. All we know is that Andre Middleton and Richard Moultrie wrote the lyrics for “Wendy,” whoever she might be.

My first instinct here is to pull a Jim Sterling and remind you that corporations are not our friends, nor are they people who should be given the same rights and privileges as ordinary citizens. They are very much the opposite and should be eyed with suspicion for their motives at all times. Releasing a rap mixtape to prove they’re the better brand ironically shows how out of touch they are with their audience. Arby’s comes the closest to being cool with their memes and video game references, but even they are pandering to an audience who will applaud them just for trying. The music itself wasn’t what their target audience was listening to in 2018 let alone today. It should have sounded like Migos, Swae Lee or Post Malone.

If this concept were to work at all it would have had to be like an old school St. Ide’s mixtape. Much as parents decried them for targeting children with rap songs that made their product cool, the songs were at least good. They brought in actual rap stars like Ice Cube, King Tee and the motherfucking WU-TANG CLAN to record original tracks with their own beats and rhymes. Now imagine if Wendy’s had taken the same approach and brought in Nicki Minaj, Lil’ Kim, Missy Elliott and Lizzo to drop bars. If you had the budget to produce an 11 minute mixtape with a fake rapper, why not spend a little more to get some real ones? They tried but they didn’t try hard enough.