Steve 'Flash' JuonI wish I didn’t know who Razzlekhan was, but before I tell you who she is, let me go ahead and tell you that Raz (real name Heather Morgan) was sent to jail for her crimes. Her rap songs were a crime against the human ear but that alone wasn’t a reason to lock her up (it should’ve been). Instead she and her partner-in-crime Ilya Lichtenstein stole millions of dollars of Bitcoin, an act which in itself proved how worthless all claims of crypto’s security and infallibility were. As amusing as I found it for Web3 to take one of many L’s it has over last decade plus, their crime still hurt people who were fooled by its false promises, and they laundered their ill gotten gains by funding Raz’s attempts to be a rap star.
“Bro something about this genie was weird
How would he look without his beard?
This wasn’t a genie, af…ter all
but he could give me anything I wanted at all
This was no ordinary perv…
… it was MARKZUCKERBERG!”
Back to the crime of rapping though {*ahem*} as there are many to be found on “High in the Cemetery” and songs like “Genie Wenie Wishes.” I’d say her flow was stilted if in fact she had any to begin with. She trips over her own words, pauses between syllables, then speeds up like talking faster somehow makes a punchline work. That’s the next problem — her jokes aren’t funny. If you’re going to be a comedic rapper (which Apple Music mistakenly believes this to be) you should at least inspire laughter. I’d even settle for some “dad joke” level puns that are so bad you groan and smile at the same time. She doesn’t know what humor is though. She thinks it’s about smoking weed in inappropriate places. She thinks it’s about jerking off rich people. She thinks it’s about sounding like a sorority girl imitating something she has no cultural knowledge of. She is so bad at this she rhymes “all” with “all” and has the audacity to sound smug about it.
Razzlekhan Morgan makes the mistake of believing the old adage “controversy creates cash,” which is perhaps the only funny thing here given that she stole every penny she had. There’s nothing controversial about being a bad rapper except that the pioneers who gave birth to hip-hop might have the misfortune of accidentally listening to her songs. They would wonder where they went wrong when they looped breaks into beats and deejays became emcees. Their art came from the voice of the denied. Morgan was never denied anything in her privileged life, and her thieving only made her an even more spoiled princess. She spent money like a bored oil baron while rapping like a Valley Girl slumming it up for Instagram clout. Frankly it’s nauseating.
Once in a while bad things transcend their creation and accidentally become good. The Room is one famous example. It’s a horribly written, horribly acted, horribly filmed disaster of a movie. Everything about it is so far from done well that it unintentionally became a parody of what cinema is supposed to be. It became laughable. It became a meme. It outlived what would have otherwise been its own irrelevance by being so horrendous that it was hilarious. It’s the kind of movie you tell people “you have to see it — just once” and then sit down with them as they react to it. You’re not watching the movie, you’re watching them watch it, and the laughter is how they wince at it. It’s so infectious though they catch on and start laughing too. Razzlekhan may have hoped “High in the Cemetery” could achieve that but it’s not even bad enough to be amusing or foist upon others. It’s bad with no merit and like her crimes it is absolutely irredeemable.