Steve 'Flash' JuonIt’s hard to come up with a context where the title track of Egyptian Lover’s “One Track Mind” doesn’t come off as creepy. He’s all but confessing his intent to date rape a girl because she’s drunk.
“You better settle down, girl you had too much wine
Wit’cha see through lace, oh girl you’re fine
Well then you don’t know that you better know what time
it is that the Egyptian Lover has a one track mind”
It’s a surprisingly lewd song for one that never uses an explicit word at any point, and he keeps on confessing his desires in incredibly uncomfortable ways. “C’mon lay down lay down lay down and take a joy ride/Girl I know I’m rushing it but I can not waste no time.” I really want to know if the woman on the other end of his affections is a willing participant in his sexual escapades. If you some how missed the point he chops up the phrase “lay down” electronically and repeats it multiple times. Perhaps Gregory James Broussard is just being too honest for the room. He brags about being “the ultimate lover” and with this much pent up sexual frustration he’d better not be a one minute man.
The title track so seamlessly transitions into “You’re So Fine” they might as well be one song, especially given the topic hasn’t changed one bit. When Egyptian Lover says he has a “One Track Mind” he really means it. Every aspect of his persona is tailored for this presentation like his tight leather suit. He brags about what he’ll do to this beautiful lady with her “perfect body” in bed, vowing to “make you climb the mirrored walls.” Either he’s paying for an expensive hotel suite for their date or he’s got a really kinky bedroom in his home. Frankly at this point I’d expect a harness, some whips and chains, and a plethora of sex toys. If you’re going to be kinky there’s no reason to half ass it.
The good news here is that Egyptian Lover is so single-minded that it goes beyond creepy into being an absurd comedic exercise. I know an obsession with Egyptology has permeated culture for a long time, but the way he moans and groans on “The Dark Side of Egypt” makes it clear that for him it’s nothing but a sexual metaphor. He doesn’t care about it being the cradle of ancient civilization, he only cares about his penis being a pyramid — made of stone with a prominent tip that points upward. There’s nothing Afrocentric or even Neo-futuristic about Egyptian Lover. It’s just sex. Sex now, sex later, sex in the morning and the night and all day long. He’s an unrepentant “Freak-A-Holic.”
Broussard delivers every bar in a way that shows he’s deliberately trying to deepen his voice. He’s sucking in a full long of oxygen, leaning all the way into the microphone, and jutting out his jaw so he can rumble each word out of his throat in his best Barry White impersonation. It would’ve been hilarious to run into Egyptian Lover in a normal situation in public and be expected to put on this act. It’s like expecting Demi Bennett to be Rhea Ripley when she’s not working a wrestling event. She puts on the tight outfits, licks her lips, winks at the camera and then uses her chiseled physique to pick up and slam people with ease. Do you really think Demi acts like that off air? No. Neither does Broussard.
The thing is I find Bennett’s act far more entertaining. When Broussard brags that he has “a pyramid shaped pool” on “The Lover” I’m already done, and there’s three more songs to go. He’s also corny as fuck (and homophobic) by calling a song “The Alezby Inn.” His failure to understand might be part of his persona or him in real life — it’s hard to say either way. “Why are you so damn strange?” She’s not into guys Broussard, get over it and move on. If you’re such a good lover you shouldn’t have a problem finding other partners. I know other writers for this site are fondly nostalgic for Egyptian Lover but on “One Track Mind” I just don’t see it. He’s creepy and he’s corny, his techno funk is boring, his come-ons have me snoring, it’s one big tragedy.